Yeah, Uh huh

Yeah, right on with that last post. I really hate it when people see my imperfection. If someone notices somethin that I've done (like that typo) that's not quite up to par, it's like they've unearthed some sort of terrible, awful misdeed that could have me nominated for some sort of torturous punishment - some real Guantanamo Bay stuff.

That means I've constructed a heck of a house of cards - it looks great, but it's ridiculous to sit there and work on forever because with one walk by, one breath, one touch, it could all go tumbling. It makes me wonder how much I could do if I would spend my energy in other places - rather than on a facade that crumbles at the slightest touch.

What if I did know - really - how deep my imperfection goes? Then, would I know grace even deeper? Here's to finding out.

What's Out There

I hate writing. It takes forever. I can pore over a page of my own writing for hours and then return a few days later just to do the exact same thing. That probably means I'm a little too meticulous. What strikes me about the things I've written or anything I've produced for that matter - writings, songs, works of art, sayings - is that they're all so final. Once they're out there, they're out there. Somebody said works of art are never finished - only abandoned.

Does that mean if you're an artist, you're a perfectionist? Maybe - maybe not, but what is for sure is if you're an artist, you'd better be comfortable with process. You can't be all anxious about something if it's not just the way you want it. (You can never reproduce it just like it was in your head, anyway.) Our whole lives are just like that - works of art that are never finished, never complete, never perfect renderings for the world to see. I guess that means you and I better get OK with process, with imperfection. Just when you think you've arrived, there's a whole new horizon unfolding before you.

Back to Blogging//Christ

Well, I been having some thoughts. I just ain't been writin' 'em out.

One of 'em that occurs to me often lately is that a lotta people caught up in churches really don't get what it's all about. Like, we have 'em reading the Bible, but they don't really know why. And they read it, but forget about Jesus. It's hard because you can read different parts of the Bible and it'll tell you all sorts of stuff that seems really important, but if you don't remember that Jesus is the central figure in the thing, you won't get the right message.

Like, if you read all the law and all that, but forget that Jesus doesn't require that you follow the letter of the law, but rather the principles and the heart of the law, you'll be doing lots of stuff you don't need to do to try and stay in God's favor. Man, that's a waste of time when you could just believe in and follow Jesus. It's not that that stuff is not important or valid. It's just that your focus is in the wrong place and your lens is too small. Start with Jesus. Everything else will fall into place around him.

Mercenary Faith

C.S. Lewis says, "Heaven offers nothing that the mercenary soul can desire." I say the same is true with God here on earth. If you go after God with the sole purpose of gaining his blessing, my guess is he won't just give you what you want. Or maybe he will, but one thing is sure: if you're not seeking God, he's not just going to impose himself on you.

I usually go after God seeking to resolve some issue I have or for help processing some information or generally just to feel better. He doesn't always buy off on that. In fact I don't know if he ever does. I think he wants me to seek him rather than just all the perks. After all, the greatest blessing is probably God's presence with us, a.k.a. Jesus. It's just that sometimes we'd rather have God's blessing than God.

Resolution

I keep watching these depressing movies - you know the kind where people die and there's no revenge and no justice for the killers. We live in this age where things don't seem to resolve (maybe they never did) - like Donald Miller talks about in Blue Like Jazz. He talks about it in a good way though - God doesn't resolve, he's not easy to wrap your head around. He's creative and he's dynamic - you can't pin him down easily with logic or explanation.

We live in a world that doesn't resolve either. Things happen - good and bad - that make no sense. People say everything happens for a reason. I don't know about that. At least I'll never understand why certain things happen around these parts.

So what's the goal of this life then? To trust a God who doesn't resolve, who's active and creative even though he doesn't always let you know what is going on or clue you in to the inner workings of the universe? (It's probably a good thing he doesn't - you'd probably explode.) Maybe the goal is to learn to trust each other too - to walk together through darkness - to not need to get to a place of final understanding, but to be comfortable with the process. See, once you get to a point where you understand everything, you don't need anybody anymore.

Spirit

Anyway, back to stuff that happens without us knowing it happens - you know how weirdo psychologists and therapists talk about "unconscious" thoughts and drives? And there's that rumor going around that we only use like 10% of our brains. Well that makes me think that there is a lot more going on than just what we say or think, or at least than we know we think. What other thoughts are bouncing around in our heads that we have no access to? And what of dreams? Those are weird - where do they come from?

Part of developing a spiritual life, then, might be to gain more access to those parts of your mind - the parts of who you are just waiting to be developed. The goal is definitely to connect with a different realm than we are used to living in. How much is out there (and in there) that is yet to be discovered because we are so focused on the temporal, the material, the verbal?

Words

Oh yes, I was thinking that there is so much that happens in the world that happens without us knowing that it happens. At times, we treat the world like everything can be explained. I mean, so much of our effort and energy goes into trying to put words to the human experience. We have the news, which drolly reports all sorts of inane as well as some important happenings. There are billions of books that try to explicate what is and imagine what isn't. Then we beings here fill up the air with rantings and retellings of all we have endured. There's some blogs.

The air and the ground get full of words and all the while, more often than not, it seems that God is silent. I start to think that maybe God wants to reach us, touch us, and commune with us on a different level, that he gets tired of all the words and just wants to move in spirit within and around us without having to explain everything. There is the whole spiritual realm that we don't talk about because it's really hard to. You have to feel it.