Yeah, Uh huh

Yeah, right on with that last post. I really hate it when people see my imperfection. If someone notices somethin that I've done (like that typo) that's not quite up to par, it's like they've unearthed some sort of terrible, awful misdeed that could have me nominated for some sort of torturous punishment - some real Guantanamo Bay stuff.

That means I've constructed a heck of a house of cards - it looks great, but it's ridiculous to sit there and work on forever because with one walk by, one breath, one touch, it could all go tumbling. It makes me wonder how much I could do if I would spend my energy in other places - rather than on a facade that crumbles at the slightest touch.

What if I did know - really - how deep my imperfection goes? Then, would I know grace even deeper? Here's to finding out.

What's Out There

I hate writing. It takes forever. I can pore over a page of my own writing for hours and then return a few days later just to do the exact same thing. That probably means I'm a little too meticulous. What strikes me about the things I've written or anything I've produced for that matter - writings, songs, works of art, sayings - is that they're all so final. Once they're out there, they're out there. Somebody said works of art are never finished - only abandoned.

Does that mean if you're an artist, you're a perfectionist? Maybe - maybe not, but what is for sure is if you're an artist, you'd better be comfortable with process. You can't be all anxious about something if it's not just the way you want it. (You can never reproduce it just like it was in your head, anyway.) Our whole lives are just like that - works of art that are never finished, never complete, never perfect renderings for the world to see. I guess that means you and I better get OK with process, with imperfection. Just when you think you've arrived, there's a whole new horizon unfolding before you.

Back to Blogging//Christ

Well, I been having some thoughts. I just ain't been writin' 'em out.

One of 'em that occurs to me often lately is that a lotta people caught up in churches really don't get what it's all about. Like, we have 'em reading the Bible, but they don't really know why. And they read it, but forget about Jesus. It's hard because you can read different parts of the Bible and it'll tell you all sorts of stuff that seems really important, but if you don't remember that Jesus is the central figure in the thing, you won't get the right message.

Like, if you read all the law and all that, but forget that Jesus doesn't require that you follow the letter of the law, but rather the principles and the heart of the law, you'll be doing lots of stuff you don't need to do to try and stay in God's favor. Man, that's a waste of time when you could just believe in and follow Jesus. It's not that that stuff is not important or valid. It's just that your focus is in the wrong place and your lens is too small. Start with Jesus. Everything else will fall into place around him.

Mercenary Faith

C.S. Lewis says, "Heaven offers nothing that the mercenary soul can desire." I say the same is true with God here on earth. If you go after God with the sole purpose of gaining his blessing, my guess is he won't just give you what you want. Or maybe he will, but one thing is sure: if you're not seeking God, he's not just going to impose himself on you.

I usually go after God seeking to resolve some issue I have or for help processing some information or generally just to feel better. He doesn't always buy off on that. In fact I don't know if he ever does. I think he wants me to seek him rather than just all the perks. After all, the greatest blessing is probably God's presence with us, a.k.a. Jesus. It's just that sometimes we'd rather have God's blessing than God.

Resolution

I keep watching these depressing movies - you know the kind where people die and there's no revenge and no justice for the killers. We live in this age where things don't seem to resolve (maybe they never did) - like Donald Miller talks about in Blue Like Jazz. He talks about it in a good way though - God doesn't resolve, he's not easy to wrap your head around. He's creative and he's dynamic - you can't pin him down easily with logic or explanation.

We live in a world that doesn't resolve either. Things happen - good and bad - that make no sense. People say everything happens for a reason. I don't know about that. At least I'll never understand why certain things happen around these parts.

So what's the goal of this life then? To trust a God who doesn't resolve, who's active and creative even though he doesn't always let you know what is going on or clue you in to the inner workings of the universe? (It's probably a good thing he doesn't - you'd probably explode.) Maybe the goal is to learn to trust each other too - to walk together through darkness - to not need to get to a place of final understanding, but to be comfortable with the process. See, once you get to a point where you understand everything, you don't need anybody anymore.

Spirit

Anyway, back to stuff that happens without us knowing it happens - you know how weirdo psychologists and therapists talk about "unconscious" thoughts and drives? And there's that rumor going around that we only use like 10% of our brains. Well that makes me think that there is a lot more going on than just what we say or think, or at least than we know we think. What other thoughts are bouncing around in our heads that we have no access to? And what of dreams? Those are weird - where do they come from?

Part of developing a spiritual life, then, might be to gain more access to those parts of your mind - the parts of who you are just waiting to be developed. The goal is definitely to connect with a different realm than we are used to living in. How much is out there (and in there) that is yet to be discovered because we are so focused on the temporal, the material, the verbal?

Words

Oh yes, I was thinking that there is so much that happens in the world that happens without us knowing that it happens. At times, we treat the world like everything can be explained. I mean, so much of our effort and energy goes into trying to put words to the human experience. We have the news, which drolly reports all sorts of inane as well as some important happenings. There are billions of books that try to explicate what is and imagine what isn't. Then we beings here fill up the air with rantings and retellings of all we have endured. There's some blogs.

The air and the ground get full of words and all the while, more often than not, it seems that God is silent. I start to think that maybe God wants to reach us, touch us, and commune with us on a different level, that he gets tired of all the words and just wants to move in spirit within and around us without having to explain everything. There is the whole spiritual realm that we don't talk about because it's really hard to. You have to feel it.

Reconcile!?

We're really bad at relationships. I mean, do you ever think about how much shear force it takes just to keep a family together? You have to work at it (I mean, at least I do) like all day everyday. It's like treading water. You can't just lay there and let it happen. You have to do some serious maintenance like, constantly.

And then we go and try to live in community and look what happens - it just compounds the problem. You take people with their individual issues and struggles and hang-ups and pet peeves and you combine them with other people who have some other baggage and then you put a bunch of those groups of people together. I mean, that's just stupid if you think about it, but that's what we're called to.

I'm thankful for it at times. There's nothing more interesting than a relationship and there's nothing else worth fighting for. The problem is, we get to the point where we just give up on relationships because there are too many problems. We go looking for new ones or look to things to fulfill our need for connection. It's a good thing God's all about reconciliation. He's better at it.

More on Poor

It's true, we are all "wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked," but we spend a lot of time and energy trying to convince other people and ourselves that we're doing alright. People even try to convince themselves that they have a good life because God has blessed them, when Jesus says that the poor are the blessed ones.

So, does that mean we're all supposed to become financially destitute? No, but it does mean that we should realize what's true - that we already are poor. Then, we should start acting like it. Poor people are grateful for what they do have and they have a knack for realizing what's important in life. They also use what they have to help others because they know what it's like to need a hand. If you're poor, you don't mind being around other poor wretches and you know that anything you have can be taken from you in an instant.

Calculated Risk

Most of us are not the ones to tempt fate. We don't rock the boat cause we're afraid everything will turn upside down on us. So, most of us spend a lot of time trying to make ourselves happy and everyone around us happy. It really gets kind of boring. That's why I appreciate Jesus so much. He did things that really made people mad. He didn't spend a lot of time smoothing things over, sugarcoating them, or making peace.

And I don't have a Messiah complex or any delusions of grandeur, but I would like to be like Jesus in ways. Jesus was calculating. He knew that certain things would make people mad and he did them anyway to teach them important things like what is important. I guess it's true that Jesus did not worry so much about what people thought about him. He just did what he thought was right. If people got offended in the process, it was because their hearts were in the wrong place - not his.

Real Ministry

I spent some time today at a place called Inter-Faith Ministries. Inter-Faith Ministries is an organization which brings together people of different faiths - Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Christians and more - to promote justice among other things like feeding, housing and clothing the homeless. The saddest thing I heard all day was that there were some "Christians" who refuse to partner with the Ministry to help some people who could really use it. These "Christians" will not support an organization that brings people of different faiths together. I hated to ask, but I did anyway: was it only Christians who had such problems working with those of other faiths? Yes it was, the beautiful woman giving me a tour said.

Come on - no one's asking you to worship a different god. They're just asking for your help. You're not going to "catch" something by rubbing shoulders with someone of a different faith. If you are so concerned with the truth, how are you going to communicate it to people you are too intolerant to be near? If everyone there is doing something Jesus said was good to do, what's the problem?

Something strikes me about people who actually work with the poor and broken (as opposed to the religious people who stay in churches pretty far away from the poor): they have far less scruples. Their concern is the people they are working with, rather than policy or right belief. They don't have time for small moral issues because they are so worried about righting huge moral issues, like feeding those who are starving.

Big Ideas

I sure get a lot of big ideas. My wife laughs at me and gets a little nervous sometimes because if I followed through with half the stuff I come up with in my ample-sized cranium, then I'd probably be some homeless guy on the street (not that that would be such a bad thing) because I'd screw everything up. She's right when she tells me to be realistic.

Most of the big ideas I have are a little too big, especially because I haven't been faithful with the small stuff. If I'd stop spending so much time dreaming up these big ideas and focused on the stuff in front of me (my family, the relationships I already have and those I can already serve, and the tasks with which I've been entrusted), I'd probably be a great man. Instead, I usually settle for dreaming up some great ideas that are never realized. Here's a great idea: taking care of what's been put in front of me and using what I've already been given.

Pushing

The Father never fails to push you out of your comfort zone, it seems, but that means he really loves you. My dad, who was my coach for basketball, baseball, and soccer growing up, used to tell me something quite similar. He said that he pushed and challenged me more because I was his son, because he expected more from me and because he always knew I could do better. For a time, I thought that was an excuse for getting mad at me, but now I realize that it was because he loved me that he pushed me.

Think of the alternative: your father and/or Father doesn't expect much from you, doesn't believe that you can rise to the challenge and is content to leave you where you are. That doesn't seem much like love to me. It's apathy and it's really quite sickening when you start to think about it, but that's what passes for "love" in our lives so often. I must admit, I'm guilty of wanting to be left where I am and wanting to leave others where they are. That's not love.

Life is Hard

I've started thinking that if my life is not hard, maybe I'm not doing something right. It's all over in the gospels - Jesus says that if you follow him, then people will hate you and if people hate you because of him, then you must be doing something right. He also calls us to take up our crosses, which is common knowledge in Christian circles, but how often is it practiced?

I'm as guilty as the next guy. There's a lot more I could be sacrificing for the cause. And I'm also guilty of the following:

Most of the time, we just explain the whole sacrificing thing away, saying that Jesus just meant that we have to be willing to do things like lose our lives, or sell everything and follow him. Well, OK, but that's not what he said. We don't really give up much because we have it in our hearts to do it - or at least we think we do. When it comes down to it, would you sell your house? Would you quit your job? Would you do things that might make people hate you? I don't know if I would or if I do.

Down is the New Up

I was listening to a Radiohead song called "Down is the New Up," and I was thinking about how things are really starting over. I don't want to go all "commentary-on-the-culture" on you and I know thoughts like this have been written about a thousand times over (which is a commentary on our culture itself), but we seem to be in an age where a common thought is that there is no new thought. We are post-everything: postmodern, postchristian, post-i don't know and everything is "vintage" and "retro" (blah) because we just don't have anywhere new to go.

Jesus started a new age. He was there to turn everything over and start a new way of thinking, believing, and living and I think he is still doing so. This post- stuff can be good if you like keeping things fresh. I do and I think Jesus does. If anything gets stale, it's not because God has gotten old and boring. It's because God is moving in new and different ways and has begun a new way of up and we have yet to catch up with him.

What are you for?

Here's a question worth thinking about if you're one of those people (like me) who tend to be skeptical about things right off the bat: is your skepticism leading you toward something? It is quite possible that you are against everything and not really for anything. That means that if no one else said or thought anything, you would have nothing to say or believe.

Here's a more focused version of the question: Is your skepticism leading you toward God? Is your skepticism present because of the truth you already know in your heart? I think Jesus was quite skeptical (and rightfully critical) about religion, but it was because he was very focused on Love and on what his Father wanted him to do. He wasn't necessarily there to take down religion. He had something very specific he was trying to do and the religious people kept getting in his way because they weren't focused on the same thing he was. It's kind of a shift: what are you for?