Look Closely

I can't get it out of my head that Christianity is this sort of rebellious, underground thing. Jesus went around telling people not to tell others who he was (What? So, you could actually be doing what Jesus told you not to do by telling others about him?) and also, there were a lot of people who did not know Jesus was God. Think about that for a minute - Jesus could have shown people quite handily that he was God (doing a lot more cool tricks would have been one way), but the jury is still out on the whole God-man thing for a lot of people.

It's amazing because the whole premise of Christianity (and the story of the world) is fairly obvious - God was and is, he created the earth and everything in it, man chose to betray him, God spent a lot of time and energy trying to redeem him. God kind of has a corner on the market. He is the only true God. He could choose the straightforward way of revealing himself, but he doesn't. He chooses to be rather subversive. You could actually be face-to-face with him and not even know it. That's how under-the-radar God chooses to be.

Unbelievable, because we spend all this time trying to bring God to the surface for people, using his name a lot, building buildings supposedly in his honor, lobbying for what we think he might, and expanding our empires in his name. All the while, God is probably roaming the streets somewhere, rummaging through a trash can for some food.

The Lost Art of Listening

It's safe to say that there is more to most people than meets the eye. I mean sure, some people operate at a very "safe" level, meaning that they work very hard at pushing down any feelings or thoughts that surface that might give away anything too close to their hearts. Even so, I'd say that most people - given a safe place and at least one person interested enough to pry a little bit - will let fly that they have some inner experience that is different than what they normally present to the world.

What this means for each of us then, I guess, is that it is important to try and meet the conditions necessary to create a safe space for others, and then to be caring enough to honor that person's experience. I'm serious - it's not just for therapists and counselor-types. You can do it. Just listen, keep your mouth shut about it afterwards, and be respectful of how you think that person might want you to treat the information (I think Jesus said something about that). Think about it, be trustworthy, be patient, and don't assume people want advice. Just listen. What this also means is that we should really stop making assumptions about what people are thinking and feeling and ask. My guess is you're looking for someone to do the same for you.

My Self

There's a very important concept I really was supposed to have learned a long time ago. It's self-control and the basic idea is evident in the term - you can't control other people; you can only control yourself. My elementary school teachers were all busy trying to get us to keep our hands to ourselves, to keep our eyes on our own papers, and to not tattle on others. I remember there was this one time I had my name written on the board for talking when it was clear that the girl sitting next to me was talking to me and I was just listening, responding quite minimally.

It's really easy to blame your problems on others. And it's easy to start thinking that if the world was different, you'd be a lot happier. And while I haven't given up on trying to change the world (I'm actually an active protester to the way the world works now), I also know that the only one I can control is myself. The only deeds I can apologize for are my own. The only one I can open up for transformation is myself. I find that I have a lot more control when I stop trying to change things I can't change.

Judgment

It really does not matter what people think about you. What's sad is how much value I put on what every single person says. I had this series of like five minutes this week where someone said they were proud of me and then another person questioned a decision I had made. It was like my stock shot up suddenly, and then plummeted and I lost everything. It was pathetic.

Really, it only matters what God thinks. 2pac is right: only God can judge me, but it seems that I let people judge me more often. I care the most about what people say and the least about what God says. For real - I spend tons of mental energy considering what I can do to make the least people mad and the most people like me, and I spend substantially less mental energy praying and trying to align my heart with God's.

This is probably because people give the most immediate feedback. If you do something stupid, you're likely going to hear about it from someone in the immediate vicinity and if you do something praiseworthy, at least people won't ostracize you. God's evaluation doesn't seem to be quite as quick - maybe because he bases his judgment not on your performance, but on who he says you are.

For Real!

Man, it's hard to do what Jesus says. If people actually start doing it - like loving their enemies and not judging others and stuff - I'm pretty sure the world will change. It's especially hard not to judge other people. OK, it's hard to love your enemies, too. It's just so much easier to hate people who make you mad and it's easier to think they're worse than you because of the way they talk, act, treat people, etc. There's always that voice in your head that's sizing people up.

The problem is sometimes that voice gets turned on yourself. Jesus is right (again) when he says that the same measuring stick you use to size other people up is used against you. It's hard to live up to the standard to which I, a lot of times, hold other people. Maybe I should think about that next time I try assuming stuff about other people, their intentions and their motives.