Intrapsychosis

The field of psychoanalysis has given us the gift of introspection. And it is a gift, for "the unexamined life is not worth living." But just as with all good things, excess is self-indulgent and painful - like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. They're good, but trust me, not if you eat like 12.

What's happening inside of you is important. It is part of the whole system of right being. Jesus talks a lot about your heart and God claims that he'll be in you if you let him. To refuse to admit that there is stuff going on inside of you, or that it affects your behavior which in turn affects others, is to deny a large part of your life.

At the same time, to believe that what's happening inside of you is the only thing going on is kind of silly. You would then be denying the importance of your interaction with others, their inner worlds, our outer world, the winds that are blowing, the entire ecosystem and what God is doing with the collection of it all.

Keep Singing

I was thinking about singing. It's hard to be a good singer. I mean there are some really good ones, and then there are some people who need a little more polishing on their vocal stylings. You've seen American Idol, right?

But have you ever seen concert footage where the entire crowd knows the words and they are singing along to some anthemic tune? I'm sure there are widely varying talent levels in those crowds when it comes to singing, but the resulting swell of the voices sounds pretty darn good. It's like the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. What the mob can do together is far better than what they could do individually.

It says something about the merit of getting lost in something greater than ourselves - in a collective consciousness, a relationship with God and others that is greater than who we can be on our own.

We Can Never Know

Man, you can really drive yourself nuts trying to figure out stuff. I mean, real neurosis springs from the drive to figure out what is happening in ourselves and in the world. There are endless books, articles, theories and discussions examining what God is doing and what we should be doing in response.

The problem is we can never really understand it all. It's fairly complicated, so it's good that a Being much more powerful than us is in charge. We sit and entertain gratuitous discourse on the meaning of life and He probably just laughs. Just think of the book of Job. Job and his friends sit and discuss the origin of suffering, the nature of God and which actions caused which outcomes and God doesn't say anything for 35-odd chapters.

Sound familiar? How many times have you heard someone say "God is doing this certain thing in my life to teach me this certain lesson?" Or, "God meant for this circumstance to occur so that the following could be true."

How do you know? Things are pretty complicated, and to say that we understand the inner workings of the cosmos, down to what exactly is happening here and now and to presume to know why is a little ridiculous sometimes.

When God does finally show up in the book of Job, he in essence takes Job on a tour of the cosmos, saying "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?" Sounds like a big, "You don't know what you're talking about, so be quiet and trust me."

I don't know, what do you think?

From A Great Height

The other morning, I was sitting on a balcony 4 stories up and I had this strange longing to throw myself off of it. Now don't call the Crisis Hotline or my therapist. I don't have a death wish or a real plan to do myself in. I just have always had a fascination with heights. The strange thing is that I am also deathly afraid of them.

It is dreadful, but I cannot stop imagining myself leaping from one precipice to another, defying the laws of gravity. When I was a kid and I sat in big church with my parents, I used to imagine jumping to and from these giant light fixtures that hung from the ceiling of the sanctuary.

I wrote about free-fall in an earlier post and I am still fascinated. To leap from a balcony or a plane or another such height would be to be absolutely free and absolutely filled with fear in the same moment. It is this place where my fear and fantasy are joined at the core.

Time

Some things just take a long time. It takes a long time to smoke meat. It takes a long time to learn to play the guitar. It takes a long time to hone the craft of writing. It takes a long time to develop a healthy relationship. It takes a long time to journey to God. You cannot expect these things to just happen for you one day without some long, drawn out, repeated rehearsal.

But I expect these things to come to me naturally and easily. Like if I want to be a rock star, then I can just dream about being a rock star and one day I will wake up on a stage, wailing in front of thousands of people. Instead, if I want to be a rock star, I should probably pick up a guitar and pluck away a few hours a day, and take some singing lessons.

In the same way, I cannot expect to have a healthy view of and relationship with God if I spend only a few minutes with him a few times a month. It just doesn't work that way. But I can choose to spend some time.

Silence

Sometimes I just wish I could be quiet. I get sick of hearing myself talk. I mean, I don't talk near as much as some people, but it just seems like to be silent for a whole day or maybe a whole week would be a sort of cleansing thing. The mystics and the monks must be onto something. I've heard it said that when a man speaks, he ceases to be at peace with his thoughts.

I get into these modes where it just seems there is nothing to say. Instead of trying to fill up the air with meaningless words, maybe I should just listen - to others, to God, and then not feel the need to respond verbally. The world would probably be a better place. I don't always have to say something.

The River

This one is for a good friend of mine. The song, "The River," by Anathallo is about a woman who gets swept away in a river and actually enjoys the experience moving toward her own end. It appears, after reading this description, that when you are aware of your own mortality and where you are headed, you are at peace and can focus on the moment (what else to do when it's your last one?).

My friend said about his brush with death that he felt something similar - it wasn't pain. He said when he became acutely aware of his imminent death, there was a certain peace that washed over him. Check it out: